Davie High has been in the midst of a cultural crisis this week after five members of the school’s faculty – Mr. Lovato, Mr. Wagstaff, Mr. Sheppard, Mr. Ferebee, and Mr. Moore – announced the formation of a boy band under the name ‘The Grading Curve.’ According to initial reports, the boy band was formed during one of the school’s staff meetings when one of the members jokingly made the comment that they should “harmonize their concerns,” and instead of bursting out in laughter at the ridiculous comment, the five men made direct eye contact with the kind of passion usually reserved for fire drills and the last donut in the teacher’s lounge. In an instant, the five men announced that they were going to be a band and were already having disagreements over who was going to be the ‘relatable one.’
The students argue that the band has already taken on the whole boy band persona, complete with dramatic hallway entrances, suspiciously coordinated outfits, and an air of confidence that hasn’t been seen since the school administration attempted to convince the student body that the school’s Wi-Fi was “stronger this year.” Mr. Sheppard has taken to flipping his hair during the school’s morning announcements, insisting that it “adds emotional depth.” Mr. Wagstaff has become the band’s own manager, choreographer, and risk-assessment officer and was said to have shut down one of the band’s rehearsals because “the vibes were unsafe.” Mr. Moore has taken the rebellious route and was overheard attempting to bring in smoke machines to the English hallway until reminded that the school was flammable. Mr. Ferebee was seen writing moody lyrics in the margins of attendance sheets, and Mr. Lovato has taken on the air of the mysterious by refusing to explain why he now wears sunglasses indoors.
Their debut single, allegedly called “Late Work (Why’d You Do Me Like That),” has already caused controversy among the student body, who believe the song will be used as a backhanded way of teaching them. The rehearsals have already interfered with several class sessions, including one instance in which the ambitious key change was so intense that it caused the SmartBoard in Room 5407 to restart itself out of self-preservation. Teachers around campus are said to be at odds over supporting the band’s creative endeavors and praying that they’d stop belting out tunes in the teacher workrooms, whose acoustics are “unfortunately excellent.”
The Grading Curve is set to perform at the next pep rally, provided they can get permission for fog machines, matching windbreakers, and a dramatic finale that Mr. Lovato insists needs to be seen from outer space.
