My relationship with pizza is… complicated. Or perhaps I should say “fraught.” I view pizza in much the same way as Victorian gentlemen viewed their fainting couches—a fad whose existence everyone agrees upon, even though nobody really enjoys it.
However, for the sake of journalism—and apparently my own twisted perception of the term “sacrifice”—I found myself in front of a BBQ Chicken Pizza.
In the event that I have to eat a gluten Frisbee, why not get one that’s trying its best to prove it’s not a pizza? BBQ Chicken Pizza is, quite simply, the Italian food equivalent of the obnoxious intern who can’t do anything right and hopes you won’t notice their inadequacy. The marinara is replaced by the more exciting BBQ sauce, which hopefully distracts from the lack of a decent crust.
This particular version of said pie was built with all the care of a child building block structures—plain crust, hickory BBQ sauce, a strong cheese blend, grilled chicken, red onions, and then, because understatement isn’t really his thing, another coat of BBQ sauce.
Upon opening the box, the aroma was like a July barbecue had invaded my space. As one who does not trust pizza on an instinctive level, I was hopeful. Maybe, just maybe, if my brain were fooled into believing that I was eating a barbecue and not looking at the oily mess on cardboard, I might get through this.
The first bite was unexpectedly decent. Eliminating the tomato sauce from the pizza, it eliminates the acid-burning sensation often associated with “pizza burn.” The BBQ sauce is a sweet and spicy delight.
But the true hero is the cheese itself. The typical cheese used on a pizza is the good old mozzarella, which seems to have as much flavor as a wet bandage. Not so on this pizza; it uses cheddar cheese, which knows its mind.
Chicken? Whatever. It’s just a protein vehicle for the sauce. Red onions? Definitely needed. Nothing takes center stage, but it all works together in harmony to ensure that you forget the simple truth: you are indeed eating a pizza.
One of my big complaints: This pizza is an intestinal gauntlet. With the cheddar cheese and the double-BBQ combo, it’s not just a dish; it’s a digestive feat. I managed two pieces until my body kindly reminded me that I’ll never be a “pizza person.”
All things considered, if you find regular pepperoni pizza to be a plea for mercy from the kitchen, BBQ chicken is a good way out. It’s flavorful, it’s unusual, it’s doing what it can. Will I order it again? Not likely. Do I dislike it? Defying all expectations… no.
